Fearless

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” ~ John 14:27

Have you ever been on the edge of something with God and He simply says ‘jump’? In that moment is an almost frozen fear. So many questions run through your head. What if I fall? What if God isn’t there? What happens if this isn’t really God asking me to jump?

I can remember many times that God had me so far out on a limb of faith, I couldn’t see the tree trunk anymore. One major leap of faith was the moment God lead me to go to seminary. One year earlier, I was in a secular career working for the government. A very stable job with great potential. God had led me to quit that job and do ministry full time. Just a short year later God was asking me to move away from everyone I knew, go to seminary, and have faith that He would provide every step of the way. My friend Max had asked me to go with him and his wife, Verna, as they toured the seminary campus. At that point I was not even thinking about going, but Max asked me if I had thought about it. I looked around the campus and the people and thought, “There is no way I could do this. I would never fit in.” At that time, the seminary was mainly a graduate program and I did not have a bachelors. They did have an undergraduate degree, but the only courses available at the time were graduate level courses. I told myself and God, “I’ll apply and if they accept me, I’ll go.” The application process was very detailed, and I really didn’t think I would get in. However, I found out while I was on a mission trip in December that I was accepted, and I moved in January. I moved without knowing how I was going to pay for school, rent or even food.

I remember a friend telling me the night they took up an offering for me at our church that her and her husband had given the last bit of cash that they had to their name, not knowing how they were going to buy groceries for their family that week. She said that night when they went to their car someone had put a load of groceries in their backseat. That story gave me the nudge of faith I needed to ‘jump’.

Still to this day I could not tell you how God did it, but I graduated with a degree in Christian Education with no debt! There were times I had to scrounge in the bottom of my purse for change to buy a bag of rice or swallow my pride and accept handouts local churches donated to the seminary.

I have several stories in my walk with God that required blind, scary, are you crazy faith! I still have those moments. Starting this blog was one. I have a little pattern I have noticed with God. He asks me to do something scary. My first thoughts are, “No! That’s not God. There is no way I can do that.” Then comes the bargaining stage. I try to suggest less scary options. Then there is the stubborn stage, where I refuse or ignore. Then, finally comes acceptance. I usually only reach the acceptance stage when I get so miserable that I throw my hands up and say, “OK!” I know, I’m very dramatic, but God knows that and loves me anyway!

When I read this translation of John 14:27 that says ‘it is my own peace that I give you”. I was amazed by the thought that it’s not just some random peace. This is the peace of the Savior that endured the horrors and pain of the cross. I’m sure if you have gone through something horrible or scary that forced you to rely on God’s peace, you were inevitably asked, “How did you do that without freaking out?” The only reply you could give was, “God”. He is the only way we can jump off perfectly safe cliffs into the unknown. He gives us His peace. He doesn’t ask us to summon up our own, flawed human peace.

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If God is asking you to do something scary and you cannot even imagine how you are going to dig up the courage to do it, relax, you don’t have to dig up anything. He will give you the peace you need in the midst of unimaginable fear.

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“The Breakup Song” from Francesca Battistelli is one of my favorites right now. Fear does not own us, and I think it’s time we break up! Who’s with me?