Beautiful Messes

Psalm 40:17 (Msg) ~ And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you’ve got what it takes—but God, don’t put it off.

Have you ever looked at yourself and asked, “Seriously, how does anyone love me? I’m getting on my own nerves.” No, just me? I have asked myself that on numerous occasions. I look at the mess that I am, the selfish, lazy, needy mess, and I am amazed that I’ve found people that can put up with me. There have also been numerous times that I’ve wondered, “How has God not given up on me yet?” One of the lies that I repeatedly tell myself is that one day God’s just going to say, “No, Christy that’s it! I’ve had enough! You’re not worth the trouble.” How do I know it’s a lie? God’s word says He will never give up on His children. I’ve also been at this for a while and trust me, if God was going to give up on someone it would be me!

God has brought me a long way, but Lord help me I have a much longer road ahead of me to get to the place that I stop getting on my own nerves. I have this awful tendency to just sit down and do nothing. I’ll be walking along, doing these amazing things God allows me to be a part of and then, I don’t know, I just get tired and sit down. It’s not exactly giving up, because I know I’ll get back up again. I have no idea why I do that or how to make myself stop doing it. I am also a big whiner, as many of my friends and family can attest to, loudly I’m sure! I can almost hear them saying, ‘Mmmmhmmm!’ I even get that annoying whiny, child like voice happening on occasion. And I don’t even want to share about how selfish I am. It’s pretty embarrassing to admit to the level of selfishness I have stooped to over my lifetime. I’ve also hurt or offended more people than I care to admit to, usually making some excuse as to why it was their fault and not mine.

Why am I bearing my shame and sharing all my messiness? Because I know, without doubt, despite how unattractive my soul can be, God still loves it! He still sees the potential that I can and will reach one day. He has seen the ugliness I was and still will be and decided I was still worth dying for. He loves me as no one else has or ever will be able to love me. I will never be able to express my gratitude that He is able to overlook the mess that I am and still love me.

I am extremely blessed to have a handful of family and friends that have stuck with me and not given up on me. I am so incredibly grateful for them, but even if every one of them walks away and leaves me tomorrow, I know I will always and forever have a God that will never walk away. He sees the beauty in me that most people can’t see. The beauty that honestly, I have a hard time seeing myself. He not only sees it; He wants to help improve it. That’s why He won’t let me stay in my mess. He doesn’t want me to walk through the rest of my life selfish, lazy, and inconsiderate. He is transforming me on a daily basis. Some days I sit down or take steps backwards, but He won’t let me stop. Because he is the refiner, the purifier, that is His job. To make something beautiful out of my mess!

If you struggle with accepting yourself and having patience with yourself, please remember you are not alone. We are all Beautiful Messes that God is still refining and purifying. When the God of the universe looks at you, He doesn’t see the mess, He sees the beautiful, amazing child that He created you to be.